March 3, 2020

Staying Connected For A Healthy Relationship

in Relationships

The longer couples stay together the harder they need to work to keep their relationship healthy. Couples need to stay check in with each other, stay in touch and in sync. They need to not only stay connected but find creative ways to keep the relationship from becoming stale. As we get older our obligations become greater and finding quality time to spend time together becomes more difficult. Sometimes we unintentionally take our significant other for granted by putting our other obligations ahead of our relationship. I say unintentionally because many of us have the thought that if we succeed in taking care of these other obligations (doing a great job at work, volunteering to build a safer community, taking care of family) it will trickle down to make a stronger relationship. But as you will read in this post, each of the couples I interviewed stated that you must be intentional in making your relationship a priority.

To keep falling in love or and over again, try these ideas presented by 5 couples to stay connected physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Connect in person with date day or date night

Brad and Tangie have so much history together (they are high school sweethearts) that they don’t recall when they had their last date night. Though it may not be “date night” they make sure they do things together to stay connected. Tangie works a non-typical schedule. As a registered nurse she works 12 hour shifts but tries to schedule her day off with Brad’s day off so they can spend the day together.

Rod and Cassandra are purposeful in planning their date night, so when it’s time to go out, Cassandra tells Rod to come home from work and get his sleep so he is ready to go out so he can be energized she gets home from work.

Even though Rod works at night and Cassandra works the typical 8-5, this couple is not like ships passing in the night.When Rod comes home from work, Cassandra is already sleep, However, he will wake her up, to let him know he is home, to check on her, have a brief conversation about their day.

Say good morning / good night

A connection can be made first thing in the morning. This is a small thing but it makes a big impact. Start the day on a positive note by saying “Good Morning”. Before going to sleep, end the day on another positive note by saying “Good Night”.

Send text messages during the day

It can be a beating heart emoji, a funny gif, or a sexy phrase, either way it is nice to be thought of during the day.

Connect verbally

When couples have verbal communication during the day there is a better indication of how the day is going. Stress, exhaustion, and anxiety can really come out in verbal cues as well as verbal cues that someone is having an awesome day!

Dennis and I call each other. Mario and Iris use Facetime,

For over a decade Dennis and I talk every day at 2pm every day during his lunch break. It’s a time for us to talk about the events of our day, discuss happenings at home, and to make plans such as what we will have for dinner.

Mario and Iris use Facetime each under between 1-2. This gives Mario the opportunity to check and make sure Iris is eating lunch as she has a habit of getting so caught up in her work that she does not leave time to eat. When they talk, everything is on the table, they talk about everything.. the good, the bad, and the ugly. To her, his calls are not just about checking to make sure she ate, but how thoughtful he is about how she is doing physically and mentally during the day.

Get "uncomfortable"

When couples get too comfortable with the day to day routine, it can lead to the relationship getting stale. Sometimes there needs to be a shake up! When speaking with Mario and Iris, Iris told me that she is a homebody. After a long day at work, or traveling back from another location, it’s a lot easier to say “let’s just stay home”. But, this couple intentionally makes plans and puts it on the calendar. When that day comes , they force themselves to get out of what is “easy” and go out to share new experiences together.

Make time together a family thing

Connecting with each other doesn’t have to be a private party. Spending time together can include the kids.

Brad and Tangie find the ideal time to connect is when the whole family is together. When their oldest, Josh, was younger, and now with their youngest, London, they do not go anywhere that the kids can not attend. They do not want to hire a babysitter, but instead spend quality time sharing new experiences with their children. Time together is family time.

Share in interests, even if they are not common

Sometimes small sacrifices are made to participate in an interest that the other may not necessarily be interested in. The point of it is to have another opportunity to spend time together. Terance is a big comic fan, and even though it’s not Maria’s interest, she will snuggle up and watch the DC, Marvel and other comics with him. It’s vice versa when there are things on TV she likes and he may not. They both do it because they are in support of each other and it’s important they spend time with each other.

I can also relate. There may be a show I want to watch that is on at the same time as a game Dennis is watching. We have 4 other TVs I could go to but I would rather sit with him and DVR my show to watch it later. Sometimes those interests can become common interests. I used to not be a football fan until Dennis took the time to explain it to me and share with me why he loves the game.

A strong connection leads to better communication and a healthy relationship.

I would love to know what you and your significant other do to stay connected?

Vow To Do It Again

Comments

Darby March 17, 2020 at 9:55 am Reply

Awesome suggestions about growing a strong relationship! I loved how I was able to go through and check off what my husband and I do well and naturally, and then know what areas we can improve upon. This was a great reminder, thanks!
Kimberly Brownlee March 17, 2020 at 10:21 am Reply

Love this! Great tips for keeping a relationships vibrant. My husband and I also work opposite shifts, so it takes effort to stay connected. Thank you for the great reminders!

Melody Smith March 17, 2020 at 2:10 pm Reply

Thank you Kimberly! Yes, the opposite shifts must be difficult. Love to hear how you and your husband stay connected!

Stephanie March 17, 2020 at 11:05 am Reply

These are great tools to help a relationship! Life changes definitely play a part in it always changing. I know for me it’s hard having two toddlers (ages 2 and 1) to really put alot energy into my relationship with my husband but its so important!

Melody Smith March 17, 2020 at 11:47 am Reply

Sometimes it is changing what spending time together means. And it may not be what we traditionally think of spending time together, especially while chasing little ones around. I would love to hear how you two make it work. Your ideas could be something we all haven’t thought of!

Tabitha Wright March 17, 2020 at 3:00 pm Reply

This post has been insightful!! I have been married now to my husband for 9 months and we are expecting a little girl!! With the fatigue of pregnancy and the long hours he works sometimes we don’t take that time to connect!! This was such a good reminder!!

Melody Smith March 17, 2020 at 3:50 pm Reply

Tabitha, congratulations on your marriage and the arrival of your little girl! EXCITING TIMES!!!!
Even doing the little things mean so much! To take a short moment via text or phone call during the day is like saying “you are my priority right now” I think means so much. It definitely does for me 🙂 Thank you for reading!!

Robyn Jones March 17, 2020 at 7:14 pm Reply

Well I’m single but hope to one day not be. I hope that I will be able to use these suggestions soon. I wonder, though, about the one to involve the children. It seems like it would be healthier to still have some time alone away from them, too.
Denise March 17, 2020 at 11:57 pm Reply

These tips are really great! It does take all of them to keep a healthy relationship. Thank you for sharing them 😊
JJ Andregg March 18, 2020 at 12:58 am Reply

Lovely page & great advice. It’s so fun to see people thriving in their marriages like you are helping us do. JJsJoys.com tells how secret gratitude, helped me have a happy marriage.
Jen March 18, 2020 at 7:28 am Reply

Staying connected definitely takes effort! I think just knowing that has had an impact on our marriage! Getting uncomfortable with each other took us years to do, but has made all the difference in how truly intimate we can with each other.
Leigh Ann March 22, 2020 at 3:25 pm Reply

Great advice! Sometimes my husband and I have a date night of watching TV together after the kids go to bed. We are opposites in so many ways, but we have found a couple of shows that we both like and it works for us.
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Charles Sumiran July 21, 2020 at 10:53 pm Reply

These advices are a big help! Especially to those couples who are not that open and expressive to each other. I love this! Will definitely try this with my wife.